Fred Weasley: Brilliant Botcher of Words
by angelface04
Summary: Honestly. If Fred didn’t have such a wonderful twin brother like George to give him advice, he quite literally wouldn’t survive. [FW x AJ]


A/N: Okay, here's my first shot at humor. HAHA. That's a laugh! (No pun intended. D) I've never done it before, so I thought I'd give it a go. Criticism is appreciated. Angelface04

Fred Weasley: Brilliant Botcher of Words 

"GEORGE!" The loud yell was soon accompanied by an equally loud, "oof" sound as two, burly, redheaded teenagers fell to the floor.

"Bloody hell!" George managed to grunt as Fred moaned and rolled off of his brother. "I think you've killed me!"

"How was I supposed to know that you're knees were locked?" Fred grumbled, shaking his arm as if the rigorous motion would somehow coax life back into it. "Haven't I ever told you not to lock your knees?"

"How in the name of _Merlin_ was I supposed to know that I was going to be **attacked** from **behind** by 195 pounds?!" George retaliated, slowly sitting up. "And I'm sorry if I don't worry about if my knees are locked or not because I might be barreled into suddenly and thrown to the ground!" After this retaliation, he realized that the room was spinning And then that his hand had gone numb. He exhaled angrily as he looked at his twin, and then was hit with another realization.

Fred's face was ashen. Not just pale, ashen.

"I've royally screwed up, Georgie."

"Yes, you have." George groaned. "And as soon as I'm able to move you'll have a large black eye to prove it!"

"I'm trying to _tell you_ something!" His twin moaned, looking pathetically angst-ridden. "I've just done something absolutely horrible and unforgivable and…and…"

"Repulsive?"

"Actually…" The shadow of a smile graced his twin's features for a moment, and George could see his eyes twinkle for a moment. "It was quite nice, really." Beyond confused and slowly losing dizziness, George shoved his twin as hard as he could. He was rewarded with a yelp, and his brother crashing untidily back to the floor. Satisfied, George slowly crept to his feet.

"Now what in the hell is horrible, unforgivable, and 'quite nice' all at once?" Fred rolled over onto his back, put a hand over each eye, and muttered:

"Aikimnsahanaveela."

"_What_?" George was now sure that not only did his brother have a death wish, he was also going nutty. "Something about a Veela?"

"No!" Though the exclamation was muffled, it was the one thing his twin could understand. "**Icristanfelita!" **

"FRED!" George bent down so that his mouth was level with his brother's ear. Fred jumped, his hands flying from his face. "I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU!"

"BLOODY MERLIN GET OUT OF MY FACE!" Fred barked, smacking George's arm roughly. "I **SAID** I KISSED ANGELINA!" George, who was just winding up to pay Fred back for the bruise that would surely show up on his arm later that day, let his hand fall harmlessly to his side.

"You did _what_?"

"Please don't make me say it again." Fred begged, sitting up. "It was tough enough the first time."

"You…so…and…she…"

"Yeah."

"When?"

"Approximately 183 seconds ago."

"What did - "

"She just looked at me! With those bloody _huge_ eyes and her mouth kind of fell open in a surprised little "O" and I kind of sort of just ran away." Fred fell back to the ground. "I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot."

"Yes. You are." George readily agreed. "What in the name of all things sanitary gave you the notion to _kiss_ Angelina?"

"I…" Fred's voice trailed off and he shook his head in amazement. "I haven't the faintest."

"Fred, you didn't try out those Lemon Love Squares did you?! I bloody told you they weren't ready…" George crossed the room and threw open their trunk full of Flops and when he saw all 18 of the Lemon Squares in the package, his eyes grew even wider. "Oh my God. You _didn't_ eat a Lemon Square."

"I know." Fred replied dismally. "I just…I just _did it_."

"And then you left her standing there?"

"Yes."

"Well, I know we've already covered this." George patted his brother on the head awkwardly. "But you're an idiot."

"Wow, Georgie, I was kind of doubting that for bit. **Thank you** for reminding me." Fred retorted rudely.

"She's your best mate! Besides Lee!"

"I know." He paused. "But she's…she's pretty, yeah?"

"Yeah. She is." George smiled at Fred, who was staring up at the ceiling with a horrified/scared/happy expression on his face. "It was nice, huh?"

"Bloody _amazing_." Fred assured him. "She did this thing, with her tongue - "

"OKAY!" George interrupted. "TOO MUCH!"

"Right. Sorry."

"Yeah. Anyhow…you know…you know that you have to go down there, right?" Fred sat up quickly, shaking his head violently. It was as if someone had just told him that he was going to have to go one-on-one with Voldemort and he didn't even have his wand.

"No I don't!" Fred replied. "I could just stay up here forever!"

"Perfect! I mean, you don't really need _food_, yeah? And no one would possibly come looking for you after they saw only _me_ in every single one of our classes!" Fred moaned, yet again. Of course his brother was right. He had to eat.

"I think I like her George." His voice was softer, now, and George sat down on his bed again, sighing.

"You think, hmm?"

"I mean, I do. I like her." He rolled his head back and stared at George, who was now upside down in his vision.

"Then tell her you dirty wanker!" He laughed right out loud then. "You've already shown her, right?"

"Shut up." He stood up from the floor slowly, still a bit unsteady on his feet.

"Listen, Fred, if you don't take care of it _now_, she's going to think that you _don't _like her and that you just kissed her to kiss her and then this whole mess will get terribly, drastically _worse_."

"Right. You're right."

"I know."

"But…how…how do I…"

"Tell her?" Fred nodded pitifully, his hair falling into his eyes.

"I don't know what to - "

"Say that you're sorry for pulling a runner, but you just had to come tell your brother that you'd just kissed the most beautiful girl in the world." Fred nodded slowly, thinking it over.

"May work."

"Or say that you _really _had to use the loo, but that you're back and you'd like to tell her something."

"I don't - "

"_Or, _you could simply use the **truth** of: Angelina, I like you. I know we're good friends and all that mess, and I got spooked when I kissed you because I figured you'd be pissed. I'm sorry, and if you want to pretend that it didn't happen, then we can."

"Okay. All right." Fred stood, began pacing by the door. "But…but what if she's gone? What if she just walked off?"  
"Well, Fred, could you blame her?" Fred shook his head.

"No. Not really."

"Now act like a man and get your arse down there!" George bellowed at his brother, shoving a threatening finger into his direction. "I know you weren't bestowed with the same amount of charm that I was, but for **God's sake**, man, you're a _Weasley_! Now get on and at least _pretend _that you've got a pair!" Fred nodded, determinedly, yanked the door open, and stomped down the steps.

George laughingly followed. How could he miss a moment like this?

When he reached the landing, he saw Angelina standing next to the bottom of the girl's stairs, looking stunned.

"Wow, that's practically four minutes of her just _standing there._." George muttered to himself. "Must have been a hell of a kiss!" Fred was loitering around 15 feet behind her, and then, finally, with a rueful shake of his head he advanced and tapped her on the shoulder.

She turned.

This was it. The moment of truth. The moment of glory.

"Come on, Fred, you can do this." George muttered, leaning forward eagerly to catch their conversation.

"Sorry. I've got the runs. I had to use the loo, and it was beautiful."

"Oh, God." George put his head in his hands. That was his brother. The Brilliant Botcher of Words. But it got worse. Much, much worse.

"It's a mess and you'd be pissed."

"**_What_**?" She breathed, looking absolutely confused and, quite honestly, a tad angry.

"I, er—I mean…" Fred glanced up at the stairs and when he saw George standing there with a sad expression on his face and shaking his head, he felt warmth climb into his cheeks. "I – um, I meant – you and the – and I…"

"Just spit it out!" She begged sadly. He threw down his arms angrily.

"If you want to pretend that this didn't happen, that's great." He managed out, with only minor difficulty.

However, it wasn't quite the right thing to say. George could see, even from his post on the steps, that her lip quivered. Wonderful, Fredrick. Absolutely wonderful.

"You…you want to pretend that this didn't _happen_?"

"Yes! I mean, no! I mean…do you?" She cocked an eyebrow – a trademark Angie move – and crossed her arms.

"Fred, you just _kissed me_."

"How was it?" Was his immediate reply. George literally busted up laughing. Right there on the steps, he began to laugh. Luckily, they were too absorbed in one another to notice.

"I – er – _what_?!"

"I mean, I can't…Ange…I, um - "

"Whatever, Fred. I understand." She moved to leave, but he grasped her arm and whirled her around.

"What I'm trying to say is that I'm up for another go." George stopped laughing long enough to catch the end of this phrase. "I mean, if you…if you want to."

"So you're trying to say that…"

"I really like the loo." He muttered. Her eyebrows shot up. George shrugged. Not everything could be perfect. "I mean, the tongue thing – no, I mean, I really like _you_, Angie." Nice save. "I really like you."

"Fred, my arm's starting to go numb."

"Oh. Sorry." He released her arm and blushed a bit, scratching his head.

"And I really like the loo, too." She replied gently. He grinned nervously.

"So, you…"

"Yeah."

"And we…"

"Sure."

"But, I…"  
"That's okay." There was a short silence.

"Could you do that tongue thing again?" Fred asked jokingly. Angelina laughed good naturedly, tugging his face down to hers.

"As long as you don't run away this time." As the two engaged in liplock, George shook his head.

Honestly. If Fred didn't have such a wonderful twin brother likeGeorge to give him advice, he quite literally, wouldn't survive.

"The runs." He laughed as he turned to go up the stairs. "Really, Fred. The runs?"

FIN 


End file.
